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[21 Sep 2005|04:58pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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as the days fall into weeks and the weeks fall into months and the months become years i wonder what this wonderful life is going to take me...
this journey i have been traveling seems to be weaving into something incredibly unexplainable....
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| buying a new house blues |
[08 Jul 2005|02:28pm] |
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mood |
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 frustrated |
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holy crap.... it sure takes a lot to buy a house these days.... i just can't believe it!! all the paperwork and bullshit... urgh!! i just want to be done with this already...
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| HELP! I NEED SLEEP... |
[06 Apr 2005|08:14am] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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sleep deprivation.... SUCKS!!! i cant seem to sleep lately! i'm so tired...i get off work and i go home and i'm just exhausted, but when i do fall asleep i just toss and turn all night!! i can't seem to get comfortable, and i have tried all of the over the counter medicines, now! and they don't seem to help either!! even the natural stuff like melatonin...but to no avail i still keep looking at the clock that hangs on my wall ticking away the minutes into hours.....
HELP!!
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[08 Mar 2005|01:46pm] |
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mood |
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 surprised |
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holy shit how time fly's by.... i cant believe it; i just turned 28 and i don't see how those many years could have flown by so fast.... shit i'm getting old!!!! but hey you are only as old as you think and feel you are in your heart and mind, right!?!?
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[29 Dec 2004|09:49am] |
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mood |
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sleepy |
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well christmas has come and gone, just like that.... i can't believe it... it was lots of fun but i am sure glad that it is over!!
i am officially broke do to christmas this year, but oh well... anjoelina loved every moment of it...
for her big gift this year i bought her a big 4x4 jeep that is motorized and she just loves it!!!
she drives all around and crashes into her cousin who i bought a mini harley davidson for him to ride along on....
she is going to be an outstanding drivers....just like her mom!!!
maybe i can get some sleep, now that the holidays are almost over....doutbful, but hopeful nonetheless....
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[09 Nov 2004|12:54pm] |
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mood |
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hurting |
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well its been awhile since the last time i have posted, but life has just been flying by me so damn quickly....
my office is slammed right now due to the cold weather and i have been working 50-60 hour weeks to try and stay ahead...but unfortunately that has caught up with me because i landed in the hospital yesterday with a severe migraine attack and i somehow have strained the muscles in my neck and back on my left side....
which i must say hurts alot, but i cant miss work cause i will be so behind if i do, so here i am working away, looking like a fucking mummy not being able to move and all....oouuchhh!!:(
life has been treating me pretty good lately, not much has changed, just been working alot, saving money, hanging out with my family and oh yeah i bought a new car, since i got my raise last week, wooo-hooo....
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| "love" |
[23 Oct 2004|01:04am] |
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mood |
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peaceful |
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it truly is a powerful thing....you know i have been the one to say this oh so many times, lately....
'YOU CAN NOT CHOSE WHO YOU FALL "IN LOVE" WITH, IT JUST HAPPENS....'
its noones fault, it is just the nature of things....
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[02 Oct 2004|04:34am] |
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mood |
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tired |
] |
holy crap, its been awhile since i posted, but my f'ing life has been so busy lately.... my head has damn near spun off...lets see where to begin.... well by bro's wedding went off without a hitch and the vegas trip was outstanding, had tons of fun with the two love birds....eh, hating them.....but no really i'm quite pleased that my brother is actually truly happy for once.....it makes me smile :D
i have done so much soul searching these past weeks and have actually become very happy with myself and i can honestly say that for the first time in ten years, i am happy with myself and being by myself.... and thats pretty huge for me... i dont seem to wake up bitter everyday and i am glad to be here too, i haven't thought about killing myself in a long time and thats great cause i used to think about it every day!?!?
one thing is for sure is that i am better, its taken me along time to get here but i guess it was worth the wait....
life for me seems to be on the upward spiral, my daughter is great and i plan on moving to a new job come the middle of october, more money, less hours and a truly better working environment.....so we'll see how it goes!?!?
but anyways, can't sleep tonight.... anyone awake and want to chat!?!? im at scardred4life on aim ;)
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| weddings |
[02 Sep 2004|11:44pm] |
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mood |
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exhausted |
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who in there right mind would want to get married?!?!
shit, since my brother got engaged i think he's more miserable than ever....
and now i've been delegated head wedding coordinator....urgh!@!@!
but oh well he is my only brother and i would do anything for him, so.... I AM!!
omfg, i do have to say though.... that i am ultra tired of trying to pull this whole wedding together for them in less that five weeks!!!!
i think the only thing that i'm really looking forward to, is the VEGAS trip after the wedding....
and i think my brother feels the same way, in fact i'm positive!!!!
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[08 Aug 2004|01:46am] |
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mood |
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 sick |
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wow... this last week has sucked!!!
i have been severly sick for at least four days now... i went to the doctor on tuesday, for them to tell me that i have a severe sinus infection and bronchial pnuemonia... woo-hoo..
i haven't really been able to get out of bed since then and i feel like i'm gunna keel over any minute and die... but no, that would be too easy.....
i seem to ache all over, inside and out and the pain that i'm feeling doesn't seem to want to go away....but i sure wish that it would.....
i'm so sick and tired of being SICK and TIRED!!!
IS THERE ANYONE OUT THERE, THAT CAN HELP ME?!?!?
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| THIS SOCIETY IN WHICH WE LIVE IN IS SO FUCKED!! |
[01 Aug 2004|09:58pm] |
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well... where to begin?!?!
i sure as hell don't KNOW!!!
this past week has sucked so fucking bad... i just don't know where to start....
eh... fuck it!! lets just say it has been hell and it just got 110% worse on SATURDAY night....
i went out to the club to have a beer and see someone that, i oh so desperately care about..... thinking that might make me feel better.... and it did in a sense....
but then 1:00 came around and it was time to leave and go home.... not thinking anything of that fact... i strolled to my car as i usually do... to find that i had indeed been broken into and that everything that you could possibly fatham....
was now gone....
its kind of ironic, i guess you could say... because i have lost in this week so much of what was important to me.... not what was just in that bag or in my planner or even in my car, but in my life as well....
it seems a piece of me has been broken.... and i am ever weary as what is to lay ahead.....
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[29 Jul 2004|01:29am] |
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mood |
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 sad |
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i'm awake and oh so very SAD, and wishing this excrutiating pain that is in my heart would just go away.... NOW!!!
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| K .I. T. T. I. E.' S. |
[25 Jul 2004|07:43pm] |
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mood |
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thankful |
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OMFG...i got the most adorable kitties on wednesday, from a girl that i work with and i just love them so much....
i only got the black one and the white one and let me just say that these kitties could melt the coldest of hearts....
will show pics soon, dont know what happened to my post before....
FUCK.... hate that when that happens.... :(
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| holy shit my back hurts.... |
[25 Jul 2004|05:36pm] |
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mood |
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exhausted |
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ok, so on my day off today.. after working 45+ hours at work.... i got to help my mother move 3 tons of rock and 256 bricks that we bought from Lowes....
woo-hoo gotta love that....
but my back it really killing me and i now have this splitting headache to go along with this wonderful backache....
but all is well, i suppose... my mother is extremely happy with our progress and that makes me happy as well....
i however, am very tired now, but i would like to do something fun tonight, considering tomarrow is my day of reckoning with all my court shit....
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[21 Jul 2004|04:45pm] |
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mood |
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 busy |
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well my new job seems to be working out pretty well.... it can be long and tedius at times but it pays the bills, so what the hell!!!
still going to look for a better paying one, while i work at this one... so we'll see hopw that all goes....
"sighs"
why the hell is it so hard to find a good paying job here in this god forsaken town?
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| gotta love the judicial system!! |
[15 Jul 2004|10:01am] |
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mood |
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 nervous |
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ok so one court hearing down, only three more to go....today i was only fined $400.00 which is to be due on the 1st of August and an extra two days in jail on top on the manadatory jail time that i'm facing as of yet....
shit, i can't wait to find out what's going to happen to me on July 22nd....
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[12 Jul 2004|12:42pm] |
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mood |
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 gloomy |
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i have come to the sad realization that this so called life that i have been living, really is as pathetic as it seems...and all in all nothing is what is seems...
as hard as i try to be sane, it just can't be done...i'm just crazy and fucked up in the head and nothing can fix that...
i thought i could make it all go away, i thought i could fix it allbut i fucking can't... and that fact is so goddamn frustrating and oh so upsetting...
oh well, fuck it....everything comes to an end anyways...
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| fuch this shit!!! |
[08 Jul 2004|01:24pm] |
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mood |
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 contemplative |
] |
as i look back at my life in retrospect, i have to wonder "why".... it now seems that all of the demons from my past are always going to be there to haunt me... i can't seem to get the fuck away from them...
i tell myself that there is something good for me in this world and it's just waiting around the corner, but as soon as i'm about to get to that corner, somehow i am trampled upon and i can not reach it....
i'm so goddamn tired... i really, truly am...i am so tired of living this fucked up thing called "life"....
"sighs"... "shrugs"....
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| ok so i drank too much last night |
[07 Jul 2004|07:58pm] |
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mood |
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 listless |
] |
and now my tummy hurts today.... damn bacardi and coke, perty delicious but oh so bad on the tummy....=(
and i also am feeling quite dehydrated but water is not tasting very good either, so wtf!!
must find something to make me feel better, maybe i should just make myself another drink... um yeah.... i think that will fix it.... or not!
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[06 Jul 2004|06:16pm] |
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mood |
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amused |
] |
well, where to begin.... friday was alot of fun, went out with my parent's to see a band play that my mother knew, they were pretty good, for an old rocker sorta band... then we ventured over to the asylum, where my parents came along, too...this was oh so...interesting to say the least, but they had a very good time and so that is all that matters to me....
saturday night was a typical night at the club, but fun also....and then there was fireworks day, whoo-hoo...i had a bbq with friends and then went to an after hours party...and well this was also very enlightening....this stupid boy...that i (playfully) tried to kick in his face, grabbed a hold of my leg and twisted the other one out from under me, therefore making me fall backwards and hit my head on a lounge chair, giving me a really nice goose-egg bump....oh yes this was pleasurable....
so i got up swinging and punched him in his face a few times, which i enjoyed very much....and then i went off to get a stiff drink that was oh so needed...i consumed my drink and then proceeded to mingle for a bit until the party turned into a nudist affair where only ugly people thought it necessary to undress....and i thought this was most definately awful and decided that it was time to leave....
today i come to find that more people wish i had kicked his ass some more, instead of letting him off so easily, but it's ok cause he's a big pussy anyways and i'd kinda would of felt bad if he had ran away crying in front of so many people....ok, well maybe not bad....;)
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